It's Hard to Say Goodbye
by Meandsushiroll
Summary: Three years after he graduates, Rin comes to visit Ai and finds that it is so hard to say goodbye.


"I'm home." Ai called out into his dark apartment, setting his backpack down next to the door. He rolled his shoulders, sighing as his sore muscles loosened. It had been a long day of classes and work and he was looking forward to spending his evening with his boyfriend. Rin had flown in from Australia for his two week break from training, granted only after he swore to stick to a strict diet and exercise routine, but it was the most time had spent together since Rin graduated.

They had a pretty wonderful vacation together, Ai actually taking off from work to spend time with the man he loved, a man he hadn't seen in a year. He fortunately had a small break in his classes as well, not as long as Rin's but long enough for them to spend an amazing uninterrupted week , Ai's life had to continue on again, forcing him out of Rin's arms and into his usual mundane activities. The couple tried to take it in stride through, Rin using his alone time to visit his friends and family while Ai was out and insisting he stay in Ai's cramped apartment, even though his family's house would be more comfortable.

"I want to be with you as much as possible." He had said, stroking Ai's cheek and smiling softly, making him blush. Even after all this time, Rin still made Ai's heart flutter.

"Besides," he continued, "It would be nice to be roommates again." Ai smiled at the memory.

"Rin?" Ai called, seeing both the bathroom and living room dark and empty, thinking he should be back by now. He padded over to his bedroom, opening the door to see Rin sitting at his desk. He was facing the far wall with headphones on, the glow of Ai's laptop lighting him from the front. Ai smiled, creeping up behind him, still unnoticed. His lips twisted into a dopey smile as Ai saw what Rin was looking at.

It was all the pictures they'd taken over the past two weeks, Rin scrolling by them slowly one by one. When Rin got to a particularly embarrassing one he took of him without his knowledge, Ai sleeping with his hair all ruffled and sticking everywhere, he wrapped his arms around Rin's shoulders, trying to distract him.

Rin jumped a bit at the contact, standing and turning around hastily, his eyes are alight with surprise.

"Oh! Ai! You scared me!" He said, voice sounding a bit raw.

Ai opened his mouth to respond when he realized Rin's eyes were alight with something more.

"Rin-are you-are you alright?" He asked, moving a bit closer. While they were still in high school, Rin was known to be a bit of a crybaby but in the three years since his graduation, Ai hadn't seen him cry once. Granted, they had been living in different hemispheres for most of the time, but he had thought Rin had outgrew his crying habit.

"Were you crying?"

"N-no!" Rin almost shouted defensively, running an arm over his face, trying to turn away. But Ai caught his other arm and moved closer.

"What's wrong?" He asked, slowly bringing his hand to Rin's cheek.

Rin took conflicted, his eyes searching Ai's face for a tense moment, before he sighed and looked down.

"I don't want to go back." He said finally in a sad, soft voice.

"What? Rin you don't want to swim anymore?" Ai asked in shock.

"No, that's not it. Of course I want to swim!" Rin shook his head. "It's you. I don't want to leave you."

"Oh." Ai felt his cheeks color.

"I mean I haven't been this happy in so long, and I'm just going to miss this so much. Having you right here beside me, waking up next to you, talking to your about your day, making you dinner, being able to kiss you when I want, make love all the time...How am I supposed to give that up?" Rin finally raised his eyes to his, giving him a look so lost it broke his heart.

"Swimming is all I ever wanted to do, it's my dream. But now I come here and see the life I could have and I realize I have to leave the most important thing in my world." He sighs, "What am I supposed to do?"

"Oh Rin..." Ai says, twisting his arms around his neck and pulling him close, feeling Rin's face buried in his shoulder. He knew it was going to be so hard saying goodbye to Rin tomorrow but he had no idea it would effect Rin so much.

He was prepared for saying goodbye to a Rin more fiercely determined than ever, one with his usual smile telling Ai not to be too lonely without him. He thought he couldn't wait to get back to training, especially now that he had made it onto the Olympic swimming team. Ai knew Rin loved him, but he always thought swimming was the most important thing in his heart, not his little high school boyfriend. Just because Rin was the love of Ai's life, doesn't mean it was true the other way around. When he first moved away, Ai honestly feared Rin would leave him for some cute Australian swimmer or fan or someone. Deep down in his heart, he still felt like that star-stuck little kohai that would be disposed of when Rin realized how average he is.

Pulled out of his thoughts by loud sniffle, Ai sighed, threading his fingers through Rin's hair, longer than it was on Rin's last visit, the way Ai told him he liked it. He thought about the happiness they would have if Ai asked him stay, if Rin chose that path. Just feeling Rin's touch on his skin, or hearing his voice in his ear, low and grumbling in the morning, or smelling his unique scent after a workout meant all the world to Ai. After all their time apart, he had almost forgotten how great it was actually being together, being able to hold hands and eat and even argue. How could he give that up? How could he be satisfied with only Skype and texts and phone calls now? Ai wanted Rin here, home with him all the time. And now that he knew that Rin felt the same, how could he let him go?

Ai sighed again, slowing pushing away from Rin until he was looking into his eyes.

"You have to go back." He said, trying to keep his voice level.

"What?" He replied, confused. "Don't you want me here? Don't you want me to stay?"

"Of course I want you to stay Rin!" He says in a hurry, eager to clear any misconceptions from Rin's mind. "I love you, I always want to be with you, I miss you so much you're gone." Ai swallows, before continuing, holding back his own tears, " But I know what this means for you. You've been working so hard for so long on your father's dream that you made it your own. And now you have a chance, a real chance, of making it come true. You can't give that up. I'll be here, I'll always be here waiting for you, but I can't let you give up." He reached out to smooth away he boyfriend's fresh tears. "Because your dream is my dream now too."

Rin looked like he wanted to say something, but when he opened his mouth only a strangled sob came through. He buried his head in Ai's shoulder again, murmuring jumbled 'I love you's into his skin.

"I love you too." Ai said, holding him close, a sad smile on his lips. "And as long as we love each other it'll be alright. We'll be okay."

Rin raised his head to kiss Ai's lips, his cheeks damp. He moved back and offered him a weak smile, "Thank you Ai. I know we will be." He took both Ai's hands in his kissing them before looking back into his eyes. "It's just hard to say goodbye."

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